On the Edge of the Abyss

Yeah, this is going to be a little on the dark side.  Ya know what....I don't care.  Feelings are feelings and sometimes they get so loud in the head that if I don't acknowledge them, they might come flooding out my ears.  

I've had this image in my head for a while now.  It's an image of walking up to the edge of a bottomless pit, looking over the lip and staring into the black nothingness of infinity.  So I'm trying to figure out what drives us to that edge.  What the abyss represents and why I can't seem to either jump across safely or dive head first into the comforting void.  I'm just frozen there staring.  Doing nothing but thinking.  Taking no action.  

So this is what I think might be happening.  I am going through a lot of changes and re evaluation of everything in my life.  So the pit represents the negative outcomes of possible actions.  Naturally, the idea of the other side shows the safety of positive decisions and actions.  Right now I'm frozen with indecision at the edge.  I think about saying to myself, fuck it all and dive in and take the easy route.  After all falling forever takes no effort, just a little push off the edge and down you go into oblivion.  But, jumping to the other side, making positive decisions and actions takes effort and will power, and has more tangible rewards in the long run.  It is easy for an observer to give their advice on your actions.  But they should only give unbiased honest opinions.  That is what I do with my friends, straightforward observation,  opinion and advice.  I see through my eyes of course, but the advice is given with caring and concern for someone that is important to me.  I expect the same in return.  But ultimately we alone make our life decisions.  We decide to jump in or jump across.  

Now here is the part of this image that blows my mind if I think too much.  If we jump in we think we are going into a pit of nothingness, but it really leads to a long fall that ends up landing on the edge of another pit, for another decision.  And if we jump across the pit we walk a while only to come upon another.  
We live with the consequences of our decisions and actions.  And some of our actions can and do effect our future lives.  I think that is why I see an unending line of pits.  The individual one is not infinity.  Our decision, positive or negative, will lead us on to further decisions. But we must make a decision, because if we take no action and just teeter on the edge we run the risk of sinking into the soft dirt of the edge and not ever moving again.  That inaction is worse than the abyss, that inaction is really the edge of insanity.