Decisions, Decisions

I hate the indecisions in my life.  Now don't worry, I'm not getting depressed again.  It's just that I am getting tired of not knowing what I want to do with my life.  Getting tired!  Wow, that is an understatement.  When you go through a year plus of not knowing what to do, it is a kind of sickness.  In one respect it is like cancer.  It totally drains your mind and body of energy and well being.  And as such we can fight it like cancer, with prayer, positive thoughts, help from friends and some effective drugs.  But ultimately it comes down to....make a fuckin decision!  Stop being such a wimp and grow a pair.  No one can tell me that and have it mean anything.  I have to realize that myself.  I love all my friends, but I have to make my own decisions.  Me alone.  And that is a very good thing.
Being your own best friend.  That is an important lesson to learn. There are some things in life that you just have to do yourself. Like Making your own decisions about certain things.  Start doing this and you become a better person with more strength and confidence.  You become a better spouse, or significant other, and friend.  You gain confidence to do what you have to.  You are no longer a person you don't like.  
I guess the important thing in life is to keep trying to improve.  Not to stagnate,  keep moving toward your goals.  Don't let people dictate your feelings.  You are the only one that can influence your feelings.  
When I first started my support group at Gildas Club, I was told that I was am emotional infant.  Cancer resets your emotions to a new starting point. you grow and develop from there.  Now I realize why I was in such awe of some of my younger friends,  they were light years ahead of me in dealing with and overcoming the mental devastation of cancer.  But I'm just beginning to catch up.   I was an infant , then a toddler,  falling down a lot and not knowing much of anything. Now I'm an adolescent full of questions and exploring who I've become and will become as an adult.  I still have a ways to go, but I am progressing. It is my decision.