Hope to cope

I have a lot of hopes. I just don’t always know what to do with them. I think most of us have the same problem. Hopes are kind of funny in the way they play tricks on your mind. One moment you can be hoping for something and be real clear on how to attain it and then something happens and it all goes down the drain in a swirling whirlpool of despair. Sometimes you have a hope for something and it comes about but not always in the way you foresee or expect. That can be good or bad. The worst way for a hope to come true, is that it happens but starts another chain of events and then you are so caught up in the consequences and changes made to your life that you have lost track of the original hope and you seem lost again. Ah, but when a hope comes true, that can be a type of bliss we experience none too often. Boy, do we keep striving for that hope, especially when it involves a person we feel close to.

We don’t know what the future brings. But even though our hopes sometimes don’t turn out the way we want or seem to need them to, we keep on hoping and dreaming and thinking. Oh yes, do we think. Even if we have someone next to us, we are all alone when we wake up at night and our hopes are pounding on our mental door demanding attention, and then we either stay awake to think, think, think, or we find some method of turning off the thinking just for a few more hours of blessed sleep. How do you turn off your brain in the middle of the night? Can you?

I have no answers or deep philosophical explanations for the human condition and our need to have hopes and our drive to attain them. Why can’t we just be happy with what we have? Part of being a thinking person is to question the needs and motivations of the people we care for. Do their needs jive with my needs? If not how do we reconcile the difference, can we reconcile the differences? We try, by talking, listening, sharing our hopes and dreams. But sometimes our needs are too different. What a shame. All I know right now is that I do need change. I don’t know whether I can get the changes to coincide with my hopes. But I do know that I will keep hoping, I will keep dreaming of a better day, maybe a deliciously better day. My head is smarting from all this thought. I will do my best to cope with my situation. And most of all I cant help but to think, think, think.