Get A Life

This is a particularly unusual weekend for me. I have been alone since
Thursday, my wife is out of town enjoying her friends up north. My son is here,
which is great, so I should rephrase.....I am sans peers this weekend. I have
tried to spend some time with friends which has not worked out. I understand
that friends have other plans and can't always be there for me, and that is OK.
I did have dinner last night with some people from my congregation, but right
now they are more aquaintances then friends I can talk to about anything. But
it is possible they will be. I did have a good time.

So, I'm alone on Friday night. What to do? I need to minimize my anxiety about
returning to work on Monday. Major, big time anxiety. So instead of going home
and vegging out in front of the tv, feeling depressed and sorry for myself, as the old me would have, I went to a club and listened to music and had some beers. (don't worry I stopped drinking well before I drove home). I had a good time, by myself. Wow, by myself is not a bad thing. I wasn't lonely, I wasn't anxious, I just lived in the moment and enjoyed the atmosphere. I realized I am going to be OK no matter what happens.

My job, my friends, my personal life, all will work out the way it should. In
the past I have thought that I really didn't have much of a life, that I was
always a reflection of the people close to me. Well, I am my own person, I
don't need anyone but myself, to feel good about myself. I love my family and
my friends, and can't live without them. But, I also can't live without me
being and accepting me. Which I think is one of the keys to being a good,
caring and understanding person. We need to be all of that to ourselves too.

We resist change sometimes, but over the last few months, through my cancer,
recovery, survival, depression and anxiety I have changed. I hope and pray that
I'm changing for the better. Change can be good even if it is brought on by
something bad. But I think I am changing to take more steps toward getting a
life. A good life, filled with what is important. Getting a life is not just
for me, it is for the people I love and care about so much. And living to give
is primary in my quest to get a life.